Slightly disappointed

The whole family went on a vacation to Maxwell Hill in Taiping except me. Father only informed me on Friday, a day before the trip. They are going with a few other families. Their children are about my brother's age so I did not join because I will feel left out. I already know that because I had experienced it last year when we went to Taman Negara. It is fun to hang out with them but I am the odd one. The one next to my age is only 15 years old at that time. I cannot possibly join the men nor the women. They are uncles and aunties. Their topic does not click with mine. Haha.

From that time onwards, my father know that I will not join them so he did not invite me to go too. Anyway, these 2 days I have been home alone. The house has never feel much more emptier than now. It is so dead. I am not really scared, its more like lonely to be in my home. I wish they will be home soon.

Luckily yesterday my boyfriend accompany me the whole day and night. We went to The Curve and walk around. Had Dragon-I for dinner. Then walk around the flea market. I love it! I had spend almost RM 100 there. I bought a belt (RM30), 6 pairs of earrings (RM20), flower hair clips and pins (RM45) and 2 snowflake shape keychain (RM 20)-1 is for me and the other is a gift for my friend. She loves snowflakes like me. =)

See!! It is just so easy to spend money but earning it? Man..it is hard-earned money. Yeap, after stepping into the working world, I finally have a taste of the fact that money is not easily and happily earned. Yes, I am depressed about work but..I just gotta bear with it. Go with the flow. Sigh..tomorrow gotta work again. How come the weekends past by so fast?

Anyway, the main reason I am blogging now is because I am sad over the fact that I will not be celebrating New Year's Eve with my boyfriend. Last year, he went out with his friends and later that he got work to do (both of us were working as customer service so our shifts are based on 24-hr and his work time on 1 Jan 2009 is 2am-11am. Crazy right?). That was the reason why we did not spend the New Year's Eve together. But I was very hurt at that time because he got time to spend it with his friends but don't have the time to spend it with me. I did asked him before that day if he is free so we can celebrate it together. I cannot really remember the reason he gave. I think it was he gotta work. Imagine how hurt I was when I found out later he will be going out with his friends on that night. It is like he is TOO busy for me but for friends, he is FREE. Sigh. Not only hurt, I feel disappointment too. It is our FIRST New Year's Eve. How can he do that to me?

Well, later that we argued over this and he blamed me for not being understanding. He said that I am so selfish for not allowing him to spend it with his friends. Wow~ he can 'hentam' back at me just like that. I must admit that I was obviously pissed off but what can I do? Even my father knew how upset I was. He was angry that my boyfriend choose to be with friends over me. Of course, I tried to defend him but inside my heart was breaking. Haha..I know, I am being very dramatic and over right? =p

Well, this year I thought that we can finally spend it together since we had switched jobs with normal working hours. I gotten a blow from him yesterday. Apparently he will be going to Genting Highlands with his family for few days during New Year's Eve. Sigh. I am not complaining. It is great that he is spending time with his family but I am left out again. I asked if it is OK for me to join him. He said it is not coz his uncles and aunties are the ones organizing it so there will NOT be room for me and it will be WEIRD if I join. =( He is right. So it means I am left all alone again. Last year I was alone and this year I..choose not to be.

Am I wrong to feel abandoned? First by his friends, now is by his family. I know I should not be so selfish, but should be more understanding. T-T Hopefully next year we can spend it together. But I will not get my hopes up. I have learn that the more you hope, he more disappointed you will be.

I do want to tell him my feelings towards this but knowing him, he will get the impression that I am complaining about him not spending enough time together, that he cannot live up to my expectations, that I cannot be understanding on the fact that he wants to spend time with his family, that it is just a day only so why make a big fuss out of it and blah blah blah..

Big sigh..I am feeling slightly better after letting it out all here. I am so mad coz this made me feel like I am hardly anything to him. =(