I want to head home but knowing this time (7pm), it will be super jam. Not only at Federal there but from Subang Jaya driving into USJ area. That one is totally headache! So, i decide to stay back in office and trying to chill (a.k.a msn). I cannot log in to Facebook or YouTube cause company has denied that access. But, as I can online, it is still better than nothing.
Everyone is gone. Only me alone in this room. I do feel lonely but I like this alone kind of feeling. Sometimes can make me emo. Yes, for this moment I am feeling emo. Why? Well..lets just say the whole day did not start out good and ends well. Early in the morning kena tembak by someone. Then after lunch, some stuff happens which tries to ruin my day. I swore that I will stay cheerful at all times. Then towards 6pm, another disaster occur. I stayed in the office to check through untill I found the solution. Its already 6.40pm. Too jam for me to head home. This really feels crap. Anyways, I decide to make the best out of my misery.
I shall just chill here with my friends and blog.
I miss him so much. I still do. Sigh..I wish I can receive his calls or messages. But I know that will never ever happen to me again. He has move on with his life. It is like I never exists in his life before. I accidently saw his comment on his female best friend's FB page and guess what? The both of them are planning to go on an island trip together. Probably just the both of them. Wow~ the hurt is damn bad when I read through the comments. This taught me to never check his page again. I thought that I am ready for anything, that I have let go of him. But no, I haven't. I am so jealous and so hurt. I want to go on an island vacation with him. In our 1 year together, we only have been to Bukit Tinggi and Port Dickson. I thought that there will be more to come but..now my dreams are crushed.
Everyone keep saying to me on how I will find a better guy who is nicer, richer, better looking, cherish me and will not ever let me shed a single tear but..I do not care about other guys because he is the only guy I have ever loved or should I say still love. First cut is the deepest. He will forever be my first love. I was so naive to think that he will be my ONLY love. My one true love but things don't work out the way you want to be. It is so painful and I do not want to go through it again but then..I know I am stronger than this. Why should I fear of love after failing just once? I must pick myself up and start over again.
Love can really make a person grow. I must admit because of him, I have matured abit more compare to before the break up.
1) I will never ever take things for granted anymore.
2) Appreciate and treasure a person just the way he/she is.
3) Spend more time with your family
I used to always hang out with friends or boyfriend and neglected them. Bad Jasmine! But ever since the break up, i stay at home more often and start to bond with my brothers. My-oh-my, how much they have grown. I can see the man in them already. I am so proud of each of them. Even though they don't voice out, I can feel their concern for me. They are so worry about me coz I lose the love of my life.
4) Love yourself before you love others.
I always go out of my way so I can please my ex-boyfriend. I did some things which I did not like but force myself to do so coz he likes it. Also, whenever I got problem, I rely on him and when he cannot provide me the comfort I want, I got upset and we started argue. I swear this will not ever occur in my next relationship. That is if I ever got another boyfriend. I must take care of myself and be independent. Heal my own wounds because only you yourself can make yourself happy. Do not depend on anyone. =)
5) Be independent
Like I said previously, I was kinda independent. Then when I had my boyfriend, I start to depend on him. I just did it automatically. Maybe because I never was in a relationship before, thus I am ignorant of many things. I am childish, naive, demanding, insecure, irrational, indecisive, inconsiderate and not understanding. Everything I also push it to my ex-boyfriend. He is so pitiful. Work already stresses him out, then he has to take care of his family and then the girlfriend always unhappy when with him and scold him or lecture him. No wonder he choose to leave me. I know the problem lies on me. I see that now. I do want to make amendments. I wanna make it up to him but it is too late. It really is too late. No matter what, nothing can turn back time. What is done is done. He has move on happily with his life and he is really glad to be rid of me. I have no one to blame but myself. Why was I so blind when I am in the relationship? Like I said, I took things for granted. When I lost it then only I realize that it is a gem that I have lost. As the song lyrics goes : "Its too late to apologize..Its too late~" Sigh.
6) Savour every single moment of your life
If today has end, there will not be a 2nd 'today'. It will already be another day. Different day. Ever since going through such a painful and emotional period, I have come to appreciate every single moment of my life. Smile more often. Do not think those uneccesary thoughts which will make you worry or depressed or angry. Be in that present moment with whoever you are with. Let it be friends or family or someone you just met. It is not easy for 2 individuals to meet and become friends. It is even difficult for 2 souls to fall in love and walk down the road of life together. Cherish each and every part of your life. Savour the moments when you are with your love ones for you never know that this could be the last memory you have for each other.
Life is too short. No point holding to grudges, remember the pain someone has caused you, or thinking of ways to get even with that person. What do you achieve if you really crush that person? It will only make you no different than him. A cruel and heartless person who likes to torment those supposedly weaker than him. I choose not to hate anyone or angry at a person and it does makes me happier. =)
I do not hate my ex for wanting to end our relationship. I just feel regret that I should have treat him better when I had the chance. So what if I have learnt my mistakes? Time does not turn back. I cannot expect us to work things out and start all over again. I really wanted to but he refuse to open up his heart to me anymore. He has chosen to forgive and forget about me and it made him happy. Of course that I am crushed that he is leading a happy life after ending the relationship with me but I have no one to blame but myself. If I truly love him, I should set him free to do whatever he loves.
Jasmine Yeoh, you have only 1 life and must not have any regrets anymore ok?!! *jasmine trying to motivate herself albeit its lame*
Its really sad to know that love can just wilt away in time...=( 2 people who are so in love with each other back then are no longer together because one party no longer loves the other party.
I love the movie "The Parent Trap". Can guess why? Because in the end, the parents got back together even though they have been separated for many years. I am a sucker for happy endings. Maybe it is because my parents separated since I was really young, so I always have a secret wish that when they meet up again 1 day, the old emotions will flood back and they will get back together. Of course this is just fantasy. In reality, my dad remarries and mum did the same. Each of them have a wonderful marriage with their new spouses. I am happy for them. *smiles* Anyways, I love it when I read stories or watch movies where 2 people who are once separated got back together again. It is like they are meant for each other. No matter who they met or what they have gone through, they still love each other and be together in the end. They are meant for each other...
Sweet eh? I know..some people will call me naive and delusional but hey, I am free to dream whatever that makes me happy. =) Yeah, a small part of me wish that in the end, me and my ex will remain together because we are still in love with each other after all we had been through but it is just a small part. I do not dare to hope and even hope also it is fruitless. Nothing will come out from this. He has really cut me out from his life completely. No matter how hard I tried or how much I pray that he still loves me a lil, I know that I am being delusional and refuse to accept the cruel fact.
Okies, its 8pm. I can finally go home. Hope it is jam-free for me.
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