Stay back in office

Its 7.17pm and i am still in office. Why? Because it is very jam out there and I have no place to go to. Hence, I choose to remain in the office. Surf the net and chat with my bestie. I am sure everyone I know will be either at home with family having dinner or out with friends chilling at some restaurant. I do enjoy this loneliness feeling occassionally. It makes me think alot and of course makes me emo or depress. Haha.

Tuesday is going to be over and I have 3 more days to go and then ta-da! Its the weekend. This Saturday my cousin sister who is 2 years older than me gonna get married. She has been dating for the past 5 or 6 years. How I envy her. To marry a person who loves her and she loves in return. I realize that love does not exists easily. So for those who are in a relationship, cherish what you have right there in your hands. Do not bicker or complain so much about each other. Accept the person as who he/she is. I commit this mistake and I am facing the consequences.

Today early in the morning work got problem. Shipment issue. How boring can that be. I have to chase a few parties to get the booking. Then have to follow up. At 5 pm only the shipping line release the containers to us. See! It dragged from morning to night. So sad case. In between I also have few orders from customer to processed. Calculate the weight of all the stocks, check if there is stocks for customer's orders and also print this or check that. Sheesh! Glad to know that the day has finally come to an end. I wonder how was his day? I can imagine that it will be busy busy busy. Poor thing. I wish I can give him some comfort. It is not that I not willing to give but he no longer want to have accept anything from me nor does he want to have anything to do with me. Really ouch~ There is no turning back now. I want to be optimistic and believe that in a matter of months, we meet up and realize that we still care for each other a great deal and then..he will be willing to start over again with me. =) If I really have this chance, I really will treasure this second opportunity. I will not make him regret for open up his heart to me.

Man..I am sure whoever is reading this must be thinking "this girl is totally pathetic. Someone please slap her awake. No wonder her guy don't want her anymore. I also don't want a gf like this". Haha. Did I guess correctly? Yeah..I do know that I am delusional but..I will not stop having hope. Hope is what motivates a person in life. You dream and you strive hard to achieve your dreams. Never give up and stay focus on your dreams. One day it will come true.

I can choose to be positive in example: Since I still love him, I will make him fall in love with me again. How? I will find one way or another. My determination will not waiver no matter how hard I will fall. I will stand right up again and never give up. Maybe one day God or him will take pity on me and he will open up his arms to me again. I just have to be patient. Maybe he has not give up his love on me but just trying to teach me a lesson. I dunno that. Only he and God knows. Yes, I do know that I am really being pathetic and delusional about this. Not to mention being idiotic, stubborn and refuse to face the reality.

The second optimistic option that I can have is no matter what happens in the future, if me and him are meant to be together, in the end we will still be together. We are separated for now because separation makes the hearts grow fonder.

I know that I want to keep on hoping but sometimes..stop means STOP!! You gotta wake up girl and face the reality. Do you really think he still loves you? If he does, he would have mention it to you. He is not responding to you at all is because he is trying to tell you he don't want to care about u anymore and the more you are continuing all these, the more he will detest you and think of u as a loser. A total pathetic loser who is so cheap and girl, you are degrading yourself. He has mentioned to you that he do not care for you already and you are NOT listening to him. You are trying to lie to yourself because you cannot accept the cruel fact. Jasmine Yeoh, enough is enough. He has repeat to you that he no longer cares for you and thankful that he is not your boyfriend anymore. So why can't u take the hint and take a hike? Why keep on hoping? You are hurting yourself and everyone who cares for you. I understand that you love him very much. Then continue loving him for the time being. Continue till the day your heart really can let go of this first love of yours.

Remember that everything happens for a reason. You feel the pain now but time will heal your pain. It has only been a month plus. Give yourself another 2 months. You will grow used to it and by then..you will have a different perspective in life. Be thankful that he was in your life and love you for that one year and 3 months. Thank him for showering you with love and open up a whole new world and experience for you. Now this mentor has to go for his teaching has ended. Your journey with him has ended. He will find another girl who will open up his heart again. Yes, I know you will be crushed and jealous but if you truly love him, you will want him to be happy even though you are suffering alone. Sacrificing is part of love. Don't cry Jas. It is difficult now I know. No one can feel it but you alone but you gotta stay strong. No matter what happens, you still have your mind, body and soul to pull you through the difficult times. You are not alone. Just look around you and be thankful of what you are and what you have today.

Life is a learning journey. Everyday you are learning. Maybe sometimes you are too blur to see it or feel it. This separation has taught you alot and you must admit that you are glad that you changed to the person who you are now right? =) Thank him for leaving you. He may be suffering and you don't know about it. Even if he is happy, you should not be sad that he is happy while you are depressed. Knowing he is happy should make you happy also. Because you no longer exist in his life, he grew happier and relax each day. Isn't that great? If the both of u continue to be together and in misery, are u happy that he is in misery? No right. So Jasmine Yeoh, he did this for a reason. You tried your best to patch things up with him but he don't want to. Why force him to talk to you or meet up with you? You are being self-centred. Selfish. Disregard of other people's feelings. You say you have grown mature right? Prove it that you really are mature and is a different Jasmine.

You can do it! No matter what your heart wants, you can achieve it. Never lose faith in God and yourself. If you really want to win back his love, you must prove to him that you are a totally changed Jasmine who will never hurt him again. Are you ready? Do you think you have achieved that? You know that now is not the time. You still need more time to pull yourself together. To get focused. You are not totally changed and if now you are to meet him, disaster will strike and maybe you really will lose him forever.

Jasmine Yeoh, Jiayou! Become the person that you are meant to be. Utilize this period to achieve your personal growth. Even though you are depressed every single day of your life, but you do know that you are learning something new as each day passes. Your heart grew stronger and determine. People can call you stubborn or stupid for not letting go but they are just them. You are you and what makes you special is you yourself. There will never be another Jasmine Yeoh who is the same as you. You can continue hoping and loving him untill he probably get a new girlfriend but I am sure when that day (him having a new gf) comes, you will not be feeling as you are right now. Because during this time, you would have different thoughts and perceptions. Do not force yourself to forget him or keep on crying that he no longer loves you. It is not the end of the world but the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Pray that he is happy and healthy always for you know that if anything bad happen to him, you will be the on suffering while he wun even have a clue nor does he give 2 cents of what its worth.

take this time and opportunity to learn about youself. To get to know the Jasmine who is changing each day. Don't have to prove to anyone but yourself. You will feel damn proud when you finally succeed. =)

Yes, I was lecturing to myself. Don't worry peeps, I have not gone cuckoo. Just trying to inspire myself and guess what, it made me feel better.

OK, 8.22 pm adi. gotta head home!

Ciao~