Monday blues

Today I was feeling moody. No mood to work at all. Everything seems to be very dull and lifeless.

Before I log in to blogspot, I got tons of stuff I wanna say but now, at this hour (11.20pm), I am feeling too tired and lazy to type out.

I am feeling dull and down today is because...well...there is only one thing lately which is causing me to be down and everyone knows what is that. Sigh..I am so sick of feeling this way. See, I myself also know and cannot stand it yet my pathetic heart just unable to let go? Why? What is so great about that guy? Why do i still care for him so? What does he have that makes me long to be with him?

Sigh..me am just purely pathetic as...ok, I dunno what comparison to use coz I sure will not call myself shit. haha. But seriously, when can I truly let go of this feeling? I am sure all my friends also cannot tahan me already.

I know I emailed him last week and told him that I will not contact him at all already. That I will be out from his life. But then, I don't seem to be able to do so. I am just so..malu case. No eyes to see me at all. I hate myself for being like this. Why can't I be firm? I already told myself to let go and yet my heart is doing it otherwise. How can I synchronize my mind with my heart?

Anyway..I stayed in office the whole day. Almost 12 hrs. Wow. By 8.30 pm, my brain already shut down so I just chat in FB. Surprisingly Chianyee is there and I chat with her and the topic revolves around Yao Sin. I know she misses him. Sigh..it saddens me to see her sad. Its been a long time since we chat like that. There were days when there are no topic between us coz either she is moody, or I am down or BOTH of us also moody and no matter what was said to us just will not masuk telinga nor will it cheer us up. See, this is what Love did to us. Life was so much simpler before love comes into the picture.

I was telling Chianyee that I was also chattin with my ex punya ex and his brother at the same time. Guess what her reply was. --> ... & =.= haha. I knew that was gonna be her respond. Anyway, it is kinda weird to chat with my ex punya ex in some way. I know my ex sure will not like it but..haih..should I still care about what he thinks? Yes? No? Anyway, apparently my ex punya brother broke up with his gf of 3 years. That was the surprise news for the day. I totally did not expect that. What is this? Is breaking up a new form a disease that is spreading everywhere? LOL.

Anyway, we chat till 9 stg then I cepat-cepat cabut balik rumah. Tried to watch the finale of the TVB series I have been watching nonstop for the past few days but the DVD got problem. Other chapters are ok except for the finale. So disappointing. T-T

Anyway, just chat with Aron and he seems to be kinda pissed off and he is refusing to talk to me. He is pissed at his colleague and I was jokin with him and I kena that anger. haha. He is the 2nd one for today. 1st person was Liwei. She is also pissed at someone. I tried to comfort her but manatau she said I take the other party's side and she is angry at me. Haiyor..these 2 people here are just so cute. Nah..I am not mad nor sad at all. I understand they are just in 1 of those moods. In the morning when they are awake, they will feel much better and forgotten all about it. =) I dun mind them scolding me or releasing their anger/disappointment/frustration at me, just as long as they feel much better after release it all out is what that matters to me. I understand how they feel so I would like to help them in any way I could.

Ok, its near to 12 am and I should get some sleep. Be ready for the meeting in the morning.

Before that, let me blurt this out. I am so tempted to call him again but I know he will not pick up my calls nor will he respond to me. He will try to treat me as cold as possible. Haih..once again, Jojo is damn pathetic wei.

Good nite!